Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Halloween? I Don't Think So!!

Halloween always brings out the worst in people.

At least it has in me. Years ago, instigated by my kids, I went all-out on Halloween. Each year was an escalation on the previous. Until one year, when I perhaps had more Coors than I shoulda, I scared some trickin' and treatin' father off the end of my porch who then proceeded to sprain his ankle on a sprinkler head. As he rose from his grass-stained knees he said, "So, you're Vigil Lante, huh?" (Only he used my real name, of course.) I never forgot the words I saw tattooed on his forehead which said, "I'm suing." At that point I dropped Halloween from my holiday calendar. From then on, the routine became to turn the sprinklers on, turn the lights off, leave the Dobie in the front hall and either go to bed or go out of town to the Long Beach Boat Show.

Never dressed up for office parties. (I guess I also developed a fear of being stopped by a traffic cop or traffic accident and not being taken seriously when I tried to give my side of the story.) I just don't like Halloween, Mardis Gras, New Orleans and people walking around in disguises and burkas and stuff like that. Not that I couldn't think up great get-ups for myself, of course, but I never broke that promise I made to myself that night I referred to above.

Not until last year: I dressed up as the scariest person in the world. When I came home, Redoct confronted me as soon as I got out of my car, blocking my path with the most angry, unearthly sound I had ever heard from him. Not until I unmasked myself could I 'come home'.

So, I say, 'never again', again. Last year, I put that mask in a very safe place to preserve it for a reprise this year. I'm sure that location is also safe from my memory. It's all to the good. This persona is just not funny any more, in any way.

4 Moderated Comments:

Blogger Beach Bum said...

After I get my two goblins home and pry their candy away from them I will also kill the lights to try and signal that the fun is over. I like the idea of turning the sprinklers and will do it as well. Really ticks me off to have people still coming around with all the lights off. Around me the ones that usually come late are kids that should have given up Trick or Treating a few years before. The mask you have on display, scary as hell.

10/31/2006 09:06:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hate everything that involves organized and planned to death hilarity and merrymaking. This, I have taken as just another manifestation of the screwed up mental make-up of the Northern European, a sort of genetic deficiency, but the Vigil's confession lets me to believe that there might be more of us.

Oh by the way, how much are ankle sprains going for these days? Do you still live in the same house, or did "Mr.Ankle" take it over? Did you put your kids to lawschool?

11/01/2006 01:41:00 AM  
Blogger Vigilante said...

Thank you for your support and your concern, Pekka.

The lawsuit never materialized. But my experience with Halloween parallelled my history with coaching little league - realizing I was going over the top and evolving into a Billy Martin, I pulled back and went into what you would call futbol, where I was less of an authority and more of a student like my youthful players.

As to my sons, I feel that I am well fortified. Two are powerful attorneys, one is a MD, one is a physical therapist. My daughters-in-law are equally potent and competent. In the process, one can never afford to be complacent, of course. In retrospect, I don't take much credit, but a lot of pride and great comfort. You might say that a loving, liberal, laissez faire upbringing paid off in big dividends.

I would say, however, that mothers make the difference.

11/01/2006 05:13:00 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I can't stand Halloween, in Britain it is used for two purposes:
-greetings card companies selling crap black and orange plastic to pre-teens, and chavs (teenage thugs who seem to be everywhere in Britain) beating up small children under the pretence that it's scary. The police are beginning to ban trick or treating because people just don't know how to respond to it here..

"Give you some sweets or you'll smash up my house?!"

11/05/2006 03:10:00 AM  

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