Tuesday, April 01, 2008

The Vigil Is the Cleanest Blog on the Internet!

And don't say "April Fools", 'cause I can prove it!

Statistics don't lie. On the Cuss-O-Meter, my pages come out crystal-clean, as pure as the driven snow. As you can see for yourself, my reputation as a family-friendly web host is completely and utterly vindicated. The Vigil is located in the 99th percentile on the respectability scale! If one examines the scale to the right, you will see the needle is stuck on 'Darn-it' , indicating that the filth on this site is miniscule! But, of course, I'm aware I couldn't make this high grade without the elevated level of discourse conducted by my refined and well-mannered guests.

Unfortunately, when I turn the Cuss-O-Meter on their sites, we get ... er ... mixed results if not surprising outcomes! Running through my blogroll, the Cuss-O-Meter renders these scores:
Another Woman for Obama: . . . 0.0%
Fill 'er Up! . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.0%
Everything Is Off the Table: . . . 0.0%
Urban Pink: . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.0%
Schmog's Blog: . . . . . . . . . . 0.6%
Edgar Newt: . . . . . . . . . . . 1.1%
Politics Plus: . . . . . . . . . . . 2.3%
Big Yellow Forehead: . . . . . 2.9%
Paux de Deux: . . . . . . . . . 3.0%
Hillsbloggers: . . . . . . . . . . 3.1%
MadMike: . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5.1%
Utah Savage: . . . . . . . . . . 5.1%
The Wizard: . . . . . . . . . . . 5.4%
Swiftspeech: . . . . . . . . . . . 6.2
Star-SpangledHaggis: . . . . . 7.1%
Adynaton: . . . . . . . . . . . . 7.3%
Coyote Angry: . . . . . . . . . 21.5%
Carolina Parrothead: . . . . . 44.1%
Please accept these scores as the product of scientific measurement. And please do not skew results with politically incorrect comments below, contrived to ruin The Vigil's pristine status. Those of you who may be ... disgruntled ... at your lowly score should realize you are my favorite sites!
No Fooling!

22 Moderated Comments:

Blogger Vigilante said...

I am indebted to BostonMaggie for the finding the Cuss-O-Meter. If anyone has any complaints, take it up with him. (Please don't cuss me out!) If anyone was inadvertently left off the score board above, I will apologize and make amends!

4/01/2008 12:48:00 AM  
Blogger Petrosexual said...

Darn it! Include me! Darnit! Darn it!

4/01/2008 08:03:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I lead you somewhere nice and you abandon me. What the hell? Now I'm writing something the women are very interested in and you are over talking to J. Want to know what K's up to come see me.

4/01/2008 09:09:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Stop smoking and throw away those fags and may be people will show up. Your room is so ... smoky.

4/01/2008 09:11:00 AM  
Blogger Utah Savage said...

I'm highly insulted to only measure 5.7 Sheessssss. Stella beat me for potty mouth? I don't think so.

4/01/2008 09:12:00 AM  
Blogger BostonMaggie said...

Maggie! Maggie! How many guys do you know named Maggie?

I am a HER! Argghhh!

4/01/2008 09:17:00 AM  
Blogger Vigilante said...

Well, Maggie, the closest I can come with my fleeting memory is Sal "The Barber" Maglie and his 'chin music'. But the Dodger Blue in my DNA won't hold it against you!

4/01/2008 09:30:00 AM  
Blogger Big Yellow Forehead said...

I like that it says "cuss." I thought that was only a Southern thang...

I'm glad my rating is low. I don't cuss OR curse too much in general. I blame a New Jersey and New York undergraduate education for that 2.9%. Do they count foreign swearing? I liberally apply the word "sheizer" in everyday conversation.

4/01/2008 09:53:00 AM  
Blogger Blogging4Food said...

First of all, Virgil, that gender confusion on Maggie is a big time Fuck-Up. Points off for that.

Two, Invert the scale. Since this isn't MSM, earthiness is the prized value.

Three, don't even think about including my Anti-Technate blog. It's probably too clean for this meter or whatever, and I'll just be embarrassed by being ranked with the other ZEROES, present company not excluded.

Finally, I would prefer to be rated based on the fucking language I use here.

4/01/2008 10:29:00 AM  
Blogger Vigilante said...

mea culpa. punish me.

4/01/2008 10:34:00 AM  
Blogger BostonMaggie said...

B4F - thank you for supporting fire.

Vigilante - Don't worry, it's coming.

4/01/2008 10:55:00 AM  
Blogger Kentucky Rain said...

I cuss (curse) all the time. I like to cuss (curse). No one can take that away from me and that is a good thing. So, to read that I was only 5.1 on the almighty scale of blog cursing (cussing) was very disappointing. Then I read that BB was 44%? He talks about family shit. I never even heard (read) him say fuck. He doesn't seem like the kind of guy who would say fuck. I think he has said shit a few times, but what the fuck! Anyway, I also didn't see Vigil's site on the meter fucking thing but I could have fucking missed it I suppose. I hate that I do that sometimes. It just irritates the fuck out of me. Go in fucking peace....

4/01/2008 11:05:00 AM  
Blogger Bob Keller said...

What a find! Thanks for including me in the listing.

Some people use cussin' to wonderous effect, like Not Your Mama, easily the most entertaining and thought provoking of the occasionally rabid cussers....

Others (none of your links, I'm pleased to note) simply cuss for effect. They have nothing important to say, so they try to spice up their pablum to make you think there is actually some content there, instead of empty rhetoric.

4/01/2008 12:09:00 PM  
Blogger E said...

I obviously need to get the lead out and get myself closer to Carolina territory!

Too funny, Vigilante! And mazel tov on being the Cleanest Blog on the Block. :)

4/01/2008 09:33:00 PM  
Blogger Vigilante said...

Thanks to all who spent a sliver of their April Foolery with me. Thanks, especially, to Mad Mike who did his level best to run up my my cussed score. Regrets to Beach, who may have been offended by his score (or perhaps by one of my recent offenses on his beach.) Neither were intentional!

4/02/2008 06:36:00 AM  
Blogger Vigilante said...

I forgot to add a welcome to Wizard, back from his vacation. I'm sure I'm not the only one to have missed him.

4/02/2008 08:06:00 AM  
Blogger Not Your Mama said...

I'm just surprised my score was only 21. Going to have to watch that I don't let it get too clean and start attracting fundy trolls ;). I figure if I'm not making most people uncomfortable then I'm not fulfilling my purpose.

Not a good way to achieve extreme popularity but it does weed out the fainthearted.

4/03/2008 06:04:00 AM  
Blogger Petrosexual said...

Not to worry, Coyote. Unless I miss my guess, now that you have commented here, Utah Salvage will be all over your carcass like the smarmy pandering bar fly she is. You two deserve each other, is what I say.

4/03/2008 06:59:00 AM  
Blogger Not Your Mama said...

See above as to why I seldom comment here ;).

Love your blog Vigil but your comment section tends to inflame my innate hatred of other humans.

4/04/2008 08:26:00 PM  
Blogger Sapo said...

FUCK! I'm not doing my job!

4/04/2008 08:29:00 PM  
Blogger Commander Zaius said...

Hot damn, its looks like I win.

4/05/2008 05:23:00 PM  
Blogger Vigilante said...

Yep, Beach! Yo' da man! We're all in your shadow!

4/05/2008 07:08:00 PM  

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